year 1
the story of our Duck
we had our first baby Jan 30th, 2024 — Josephine Elora. An aspiring poet in me wants to say “we’ve changed in beautiful ways”… I’ll let you decide after reading how 2024 unfolded for Michael and myself.
the twilight zone
Postpartum was both revelatory and challenging (though mutually exclusive at times).
Revelatory in that we realized there was some truth to the saying that pets take second place to new parents’ attentions.
The Great Danes, sensing the shift, made it their daily priority to stare mournfully at us from the nursery door. At first, they’d give us puppy eyes because they missed all our fussing, however, a week later, puppy eyes became insistent whining “it’s 1pm and we still haven’t been fed breakfast”!!
They were bewildered.
(us too)
…but not Josephine who spent her waking hours peacefully cooing at us (earning her the nickname Cooey Bird which later became Baby Duck) and her non-wake hours blissfully asleep. We spent what felt like every hour of every day staring at her, speaking in hushed whispers about her perfection.
Once the full effect of tiredness from sleepless nights took over, we decided to embrace the blessing of our unique work situation. As you know, over the past several years, Michael has worked hard to established passive streams of income for us through his course Figma Academy and his design podcast business—Dive Club.
The beauty of our business is that it isn’t tied to traditional work hours. So once Michael discovered the loneliness I was experiencing from nighttimes feedings, he made changes.
Josephine, like all infants woke up every two hours to feed. And each time Michael would pull out his laptop to get a work sprint in. Those sacred nights would be filled with the noises of Josephine slurping and Michael clicking away on his keyboard.
Words fall short to describe the comfort and humor he provided me. Though we seldom spoke during those hours, it seems like so much was said and a deeper friendship than I thought possible nurtured between us.
new types of fun
Irrespective of sleep, the bright winter sun shining through the window renewed my spirit.
Daytime brought with it, a restlessness to be outside.
But there was a very real problem. February in Michigan is nothing but snow and ice…!
So one afternoon, we hopped in the car and aimlessly drove around Kalamazoo. Surprised by how much fun we had, the spontaneous afternoon drives around the Michigan area became our new way of life. While Josephine slept, Michael and I logged miles on the car, hours on audiobooks, and stacked up reward points at Waterstreet (the coffee joint that we hit up before we started our drives). By the time mid-March rolled around, Michael had a pretty well established mental map of Kalamazoo and the immediate surrounding cities.
If you’re a fan of science fiction like us, then you might enjoy Leviathan Wakes. It was one of our favorite stories to listen to while driving.
going to the gym
This new life also meant that what we once did as a team, was now being done solo.
The most jarring of the new-life-new-routine was — the gym.
For the last six years, we had worked out together.
So I vividly remember the very first time Michael left to go to the gym about 3-weeks after Josephine was born. After asking me several times if I’d be okay and me assuring him that I would be (I promised myself that I would be), he bound off like a happy gazelle.
About 10 minutes after he was gone, I rationalized that it would be okay to lay Josephine down in her crib for a minute. I learned quickly that was just enough time it would take for her to gash her newborn face with a razor sharp fingernail.
Blood rose to the surface and along with it, every single irrational reason for why we were ill-equipped to properly care for our newborn baby. Horror-struck and fighting the urge to join Josephine in wailing for all the neighbors to hear, I settled instead for repeatedly calling Michael. He assessed the damage when he was back and agreed that it was unfortunate timing to have a face wound one week out from her big debut to the extended family (aka Papa Jeff’s (grandpa) 60th birthday party).
Three things were immediately clear:
she would be Miss Sock Hands until further notice
maybe a scratched cheek is not a 911-style emergency
we likely needed to abandon all self-care routine until she was 12 months old
Thankfully, my mother moved here from India (around the 2-month mark of Josephine’s life) and we were back at the gym together in no time.
Learning to loosen the white knuckle grip on my search for routine is perhaps my most enduring lesson thus far.
an unexpected friend
While pregnant, Michael and I decided to join the local birth classes held at Bronson Hospital.
It was run by kindly older nurses who were also mid-wives. We were a few weeks late to joining. And the rest of the group had a well established rapport already.
Our first week there we met another couple also joining for the first time. Unlike us, their excuse for a late registration was their recent move from New York. We quickly discovered that they were pregnant with their first baby girl (Elowen) and had a due date a few days ahead of Josephine.
We immediately connected on being neighbors, international travel, and ethnic food (it’s always a rare and magical treat to meet Americans shaped by international travels). However, it was her reference to the Lord of the Rings (book version, not movie) that really synched her presence in my life as divine!
Hilary’s impact was immediate.
I started out parenting with the tendency to be hyper-cautious and overly sensitive (remember the scratched cheek bit). However, Hilary radically expanded my world view on all the adventures that could be had with a baby in tow.
Where I had the tendency to cancel all plans at even the slightest hint of rain, Hilary would take Elowen on walks in all types of weather. I never met an excuse that could stand up to Hilary when it came to showing Elowen the great outdoors. She even taught me the fine art of harnessing your baby to the stroller so they could stand in it when sitting got tiresome. I pride myself on throwing reasonable amounts of caution to the wind and hopping aboard the Hilary adventure train.
As a result, Josephine got to go to the beach several times, visited fun lake towns, had picnics under a few sprawling trees, walked miles in the state preserve, went swimming, took an hours long (5 hours) urban walk of downtown Kalamazoo, made the library her second home, and most importantly did all her adventuring with her beloved friend—Elowen.
more family than we thought possible
I write this letter as Josephine slides into her 11 month of life.
She is an official member of the Mimi Monday Club (Michael’s mom is Mimi). Every Monday, rain or shine, the magical Mimi Mobile rolls up (with Judah and Imogene in the backseat), for a grandparents and cousins day at Littlefield (Michael’s parents home in Richland, MI).
It has been a joy to see Josephine loved on by cousins, uncles, aunts and generations of grandparents. I don’t know many little girls who have uncles and aunts that tell them they are beautiful and call them “princess” every time they see them.
In addition, my parents moved here this year from India on their green cards (mum in march and dad in November 2024). They have been an immense help to us and are daily teaching Josephine words in our native Indian language (Malayalam).
We are still caught off guard by awe and joy when we see her with them. My parents being here is nothing short of a miracle. Anyone familiar with the U.S immigration process would agree with that statement (but I’ll save that for another post).
And with Josephine’s great-grandparents also here from Longmont, Colorado, our girl is blanketed by both sets of grandparents, her great-grandparents, all her uncles and aunts on one side and her cousins.
lights & smiles
It is always fascinating for Michael and I to watch Josephine engage with the world around her. Her favorite thing to do is smile at people and dogs as she bashfully tucks her head on our shoulder. She was a month old when she responsively smiled at her Aunt Rochelle.
We thought it was a coincidence. However, she hasn’t quit smiling since then. There have been many an occasion when she has derailed conversation because she smiled at someone over our one of our shoulders and they just had to walk over to us to say “hi”.
It is my favorite thing about her. I pray that she continues to find joy in smiling.
Her favorite word to say is “light”. She has about a 6-8 word vocabulary but feels most empowered when she’s looking up and yelling light.
our little family
We love our little family.
This past Christmas was as you can imagine very special for Michael and myself. None of our pre-Josephine traditions held except for watching The Grinch (the animated, Illumination version). The only thing is that we had to wake up at 5:30am to make it happen.
We woke up Christmas morning to Josephine yelling at us to come get her. So Michael went and got her and laid her in-between us as is routine. We played with her until she was ready to be free of her sleep-sack.
She does a cute thing where she flips over to her hands and knees and crawls over to the headboard, so she can pull herself up to standing. We call this journey her “morning commute”. It’s also the sign that she’s ready to start her day.
Bringing her to the living room, I set her down in front of the tree. She was fascinated by the train set that circled underneath and least interested in the presents.
She sat and crawled and yelled and giggled and excitedly shouted “light”.
Michael and I watched her, lovesick and knowing that we were beholding what could only be given by Jesus—our favorite present sitting under the tree.
